I've had a rough few years. I've been dealing with some personal demons, and processing some tragedies that occurred in the life of my family. As I've continued to work through some of these things I have recently found myself at a bit of a crossroads when it comes to religion. I used to be very active and involved in my church, and part of me misses that very much, especially when it comes to the times I was able to interact with the kids and help be a positive influence in their lives. Because of some of my own things I'm not currently not emotionally in a place to continue to be involved at that level, but I do very much still want those connections. This project has allowed me an inbetween place that I hadn't had before. It allows me to connect with those kids, without risking my own issues being challenged before I'm ready to face them at that level.
Meredith is one of those kids. She's a camper I've always tried to keep an eye on. She's struggled with a lot of the same issues most girls her age experience, and I've tried to be a positive influence, if from a more distanced setting. Meredith and I recently connected on facebook, which has given me an entirely new way to communicate with her. I decided this week to send her a letter as an attempt on my part to establish a more concrete relationship with her. The experience dredged up some of the reflections above, and made me consider the reasons I felt led to reach out to her. It was a really interesting and useful experience for me, and I was able to finally pinpoint a way in which I can still share of myself, without doing so in a capacity that would quickly make me feel cynical or inauthentic. I was glad to find that outlet.
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