Letter #95 - Jaya

This summer I got to spend an entire afternoon with Jaya while I photographed her daughter's senior portraits.  Jaya is my parent's backyard neighbour, and she and her family have become good friends.  I wanted to write Jaya because she is such an incredibly thoughtful woman and always sending me greetings via my mother.  I miss getting to chat with her and her family as much as I used to since I got married and moved out of my parents home, but I hope that sending this note will let her know I still think of her often!

Letter #87 - Erin

I've moved.  A lot.  This means I've lived a lot of places, and had a lot of neighbours and a lot of friends.  Erin is the first neighbour that I have any memories of, and also one of my first friends that I can remember.  I turned 4 the week my family moved to Independence Missouri (my birthday has been almost exclusively spent mid-move or at a church camp) and Erin lived across the street.  During our time there we would spend our days playing in each others' yards, creating dance and gymnastics routines in her basement, climbing trees at my house, or coming up with craft projects.  We had countless sleepovers which always involved makeovers and movies and lots and lots of snacks and giggling.  As we grew older and the trips back to Missouri became less and less frequent, we got worse at keeping tabs on each other.  That never seemed to matter when we came face to face though and we would spend what little time we had together trying to catch up on jobs, classes, boys and music... more giggling, more dreaming, and lots of reminiscing.

Last year I got to spend some more time with Erin and I was so excited to learn that she had just gotten engaged.  More giggling and girly stuff as we talked about my upcoming wedding and ideas for hers... more boys... more giggling.  When the invitation to her wedding arrived I was so sad to have to RSVP no.  Between a severe lack of finances, and having my masters class that weekend it just wasn't possible.  I found myself thinking about her all week leading up to her big day, and the day of my mind kept wandering and wondering where she was at that point in the day, and what she was doing, and whether she was married yet... I wished so badly I could have been there.  So instead, I wrote her a long letter.  It got a bit mushy I will admit but come on... one of my earliest childhood friends got married just 9 months (to the day!) after me... I was bound to get sentimental!

Her younger sister is getting married in a month as well, and I unfortunately (for the same reasons) can't attend hers either... but I am hopeful that maybe in a year or so the world will have changed in such a way that maybe our paths can cross again and there will be more movies, more makeovers, and more giggling.

Letter #70 - Joan

As a general rule, I am not very good with "old" people.  By this I mean anyone who has white or grey hair but has also lost any or all of their mental capacity.  I don't say this to be mean, I don't feel they are any less important, I'm just not always good at communicating with them, which is odd because I'm great with kids and there are often parallels in the communication style needed.  I guess it's partially just that - I'm always worried they'll think I'm talking down to them, or that I'm being disrespectful.  I have a hard time separating their age & life experiences from the mental state they may be in.  My brother, on the other hand, is amazing with this group.  He's like a god in nursing homes... it's incredible to watch.

My husband and I have a neighbour who is teetering into this category.  She's still pretty sharp mentally, but she I get the feeling she is excruciatingly lonely.  She also isn't afraid to ask for help... a lot.  While this is a good thing, it can also be frustrating for me because sometimes her requests cut into my plans and I don't feel any emotional obligation to her.  *That* may sound bad, but I'm being brave and going with honesty.  I'm not proud of these feelings, but they are there.  This week Joan called me late one evening while I was in the middle of working on a research paper.  I almost didn't answer, but decided at the last second that if she was calling this late it may be an emergency and I knew I would feel awful if I found out the next day she had needed to get to the hospital or something worse and I didn't pick up the phone.  She was fine, she just wanted to know if we could take her trash out.  That didn't bother me, it was the 30 minute conversation that ensued about why the complex changed the dumpsters again and didn't they think about the fact that people like her can't haul their trash up over their heads to dump it in, and her plan for talking to them about just that... in great detail.

Remember the part where I was in the middle of writing a paper?  I don't have it in me to be rude, so I stayed on the phone until she was ready to hang up, but I was a little annoyed.  As she hung up she told me that she would hang a bag with some cookies on her door for us because she had bought some (insert another long story with unnecessary details such as which area of the store these cookies are located in and roughly how much they cost and how often she is able to find them) and wanted to share.  I thanked her and hung up.  It just so happened that my husband and I were headed out a little later to do a quick late night grocery run (once I was actually at a good stopping point for the night with my paper) and we grabbed Joan's trash on the way out.  The bag with "a few cookies" turned out to be a huge collection of cookies, crackers and candies... enough to last us weeks.

I felt a pit in my stomach.  Here I (again) had been so focused on my own needs that I really kind of blew her off (even if it was internally)... I only half listened to her once I understood her request, and when I hung up the phone I made some sarcastic comment in my head.  What made me feel so bad was that I had been annoyed and frustrated, and she felt heard and special because someone kept her on the phone for a half hour talking about dumpsters and cookies.  So I decided to make things right for me, I would invest some time in her as well, and I wrote her a letter.  I could stick it under her door, but I'm mailing it, stamp and all, because I think it will emphasize that I am trying to acknowledge her.  The letter was short, I don't really know her well so I didn't have a whole lot to say, but I put in the time and effort to recognize her without being petty and frustrated.  I felt better about it, and I have a feeling she will be really excited to get some "real mail" from someone who took the time to care... Joan gave me a wake up call on myself, so I was glad for it, and I hope it will help me be a better and more patient person in the future!

Letter #22 - Irene

I used to date this guy who had the most amazing neighbours.  When we broke up, I was really sad that it also ended my relationship with his neighbours.  Kind of odd, but that became something I thought about in future relationships... I actually became more guarded with people like that who were a part of my boyfriends' lives, until I felt like the relationship was really gonna last.  My husband's family has awesome neighbours.  One of them is this wonderfully sweet woman named Irene (which in and of itself is awesome since that was my grandma's name)  Anytime we see her she always waves us over for a few minutes of conversation.  She's made us cookies, sent us cards, and even gave me a crystal angel once when I ran into her after having received some really bad news.

This week I decided to send her a note letting her know we were thinking of her.  I have no idea how old she is, and while she seems in pretty good health for her age (she still lives on her own just fine) but if life has taught me anything, it's that you can't count on anything.  So this week, Irene will get a note.  I hope it brings some happiness to her day when she gets it, and who knows, maybe we'll get a note back (she sent us the sweetest Christmas card!)

Letter #14 - Katie

Moving always comes with some less, no matter how exciting the move may be.  One thing I've really missed since I got married and moved out of my parents' house is just having other people around.  Being unemployed and a single vehicle family, I now spend most days alone at home until Austin gets home.  We have neighbours of course, but are not really on a "let's hang out" level with any of them.

Because of this, I decided to send a note to one of my old neighbours.  Katie lives across the street from my parents.  She has been the perfect neighbour to my family.  She's this fiercely independent woman with two daughters and an incredible ability to just handle anything - good or bad.  She's helped us with everything from lending us a cup of sugar, to pet sitting, to helping us when my mum was really sick.  We've been so blessed with her friendship, and I really do miss not running into her out in the yard or seeing her when she stops by to chat for a few minutes. I keep hoping maybe we'll be able to establish a similar relationship with our neighbours, but we're not quite there yet.