Letter #87 - Erin

I've moved.  A lot.  This means I've lived a lot of places, and had a lot of neighbours and a lot of friends.  Erin is the first neighbour that I have any memories of, and also one of my first friends that I can remember.  I turned 4 the week my family moved to Independence Missouri (my birthday has been almost exclusively spent mid-move or at a church camp) and Erin lived across the street.  During our time there we would spend our days playing in each others' yards, creating dance and gymnastics routines in her basement, climbing trees at my house, or coming up with craft projects.  We had countless sleepovers which always involved makeovers and movies and lots and lots of snacks and giggling.  As we grew older and the trips back to Missouri became less and less frequent, we got worse at keeping tabs on each other.  That never seemed to matter when we came face to face though and we would spend what little time we had together trying to catch up on jobs, classes, boys and music... more giggling, more dreaming, and lots of reminiscing.

Last year I got to spend some more time with Erin and I was so excited to learn that she had just gotten engaged.  More giggling and girly stuff as we talked about my upcoming wedding and ideas for hers... more boys... more giggling.  When the invitation to her wedding arrived I was so sad to have to RSVP no.  Between a severe lack of finances, and having my masters class that weekend it just wasn't possible.  I found myself thinking about her all week leading up to her big day, and the day of my mind kept wandering and wondering where she was at that point in the day, and what she was doing, and whether she was married yet... I wished so badly I could have been there.  So instead, I wrote her a long letter.  It got a bit mushy I will admit but come on... one of my earliest childhood friends got married just 9 months (to the day!) after me... I was bound to get sentimental!

Her younger sister is getting married in a month as well, and I unfortunately (for the same reasons) can't attend hers either... but I am hopeful that maybe in a year or so the world will have changed in such a way that maybe our paths can cross again and there will be more movies, more makeovers, and more giggling.

Letter #76 - Nancy

There are occasionally people in my life who trade places with me in a way.  Last summer I spent some time with my friend Nancy, soaking in her stories and advice about being a newlywed and starting out life with next to nothing... borrowing furniture, living in someone else's house and loving life amid the stress.  she was mentoring me, trying to set me up for success in my new upcoming life adventure.

Cut to not even 6 months later and she's boarding a plane to Brazil with her family to begin  2-3 year expat assignment with her husband's company... a role I filled (as a child, not a spouse) nearly 2 decades ago.  Turn around is fair play, so I have tried to keep in touch with her and give her my own stories and advice about moving into a foreign culture, where no one can speak the language yet, and you need help to even learn how to pay your bills or go grocery shopping!

Writing to Nancy brought back the newness of my own experiences, which is something that's usually very difficult to recall on my own.  Rotterdam became so much a part of my own life and culture it can be hard to remember when it was strange and new and scary.  I used my letter to be encouraging in an honest way.  She and I can relate on a new level now, which just makes me appreciate our friendship even more!

Letter #65 - Todd

This letter was written as an attempt to heal something internal.  Todd is a good friend, and I worked with him for 5 years in an amazing work experience that forever changed me.  When I was laid off, I had extremely mixed feelings.  I tend to take things personally, and so it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that me no longer being employed wasn't personal.  I had friends and colleagues who felt my circumstances were unfair, but I understood the situation, and wouldn't believe that I had intentionally been taken advantage of in any way.  I stand by this.  I believe Todd is a good person, and that he does his very best with what he has.  He and I had an excellent relationship, and I miss having him in my life.

Last year, he was able to take a job in a different part of the state so he and his family moved several hours away.  This quickly felt like a nail in the coffin of our friendship to me as I began to feel as though I fell into the "out of sight out of mind" stereotype.  Todd is a people person, but in a very different way than I am.  I know him very well, and again, I struggled with not taking our lack of contact personally.  I decided recently that I needed to simply let go of the struggling pieces I've been hanging on to, and focus on restoring the friendship.  I don't think he feels it has suffered the way I do, but for me, it's important that I work to make it better so that I don't kill it with my own negativity.

The letter I sent him isn't much, it isn't an outpouring of the heart or a begging for attention.  It's simple and includes an object I know he's been looking for, that ended up in my things when we parted ways.  I hope it helps get us back in touch.  I know things will never be like they were, both of our lives are so different now, but I do miss having him around to bounce ideas off of, or to run questions by, or to send that really offbeat photo or joke I come across that most people wouldn't get... we need another pool party... with umbrella drinks.

Letter #55 - Andy

So remember a few posts ago when I thought my numbering was all screwed up?  It was.  I got a note on facebook this week from my dear friend Andy thanking me for the card I sent him.  So I'm not crazy :o)

Andy is from the same era of my life as Haitham, and he had a birthday last month.  Andy and I just reconnected within the last year thanks to (you guessed it) Facebook.  Andy and I are self proclaimed siblings.  When my family moved from Rotterdam he came to the airport to see me off and gave me a beautiful silver bracelet as a reminder of our friendship.  Within a year of our move that bracelet disappeared and I was devastated.  As a result, I worked twice as hard to keep him in my heart because I am usually big on physical mementos (not as an exclusive reminder but as an enhanced reminder).  Andy and I had only just gotten to know each other a month or two prior to my family moving.  I already knew that we would only have a little time together, and I think he actually adopted me as his sister so he could redirect his crush on me since he knew I was leaving... he's never said as much but I have my suspicions ;o)

I lost touch with Andy for years and years, and he was one of those people I would often initiate searches for.  When I finally received a message from him, I was elated to reconnect.  I always think of him on his birthday, and was so excited this year to finally be in a position again to send him a card (since previous years had left me with no mailing address for him)  Writing out his card gave me an opportunity to send him so much of my love and the gratitude I have for his love and friendship.  He's loyal to a fault and even though years had gone by without us speaking, we were able to pick up as if we had never been forced to let off.  I adore him and desperately hope we can be reunited in person some day!

Letter #50 - Evan

When my family moved to the Detroit area, I was devastated.  I was coming from an incredible experience living in Rotterdam, I missed Canada, and I was furious that my parents would dare uproot our family to come to a country that I didn't love (settle down all, it's grown on me).  I sobbed the entire 8 hour plane ride from Amsterdam to Detroit... I think the flight attendants were debating whether or not to call in social services on the chance that maybe I was being abducted... when my dad told them I was 14, they gave him a knowing look and walked away.  I was bound and determined to hate Michigan with a fiery passion, and had a plan to make my family pay for making me so miserable.  Then I met Evan like a week after the plane landed.  Damn him.

Evan quickly became one of my closest friends, and helped stave off some of my loneliness.  He would email me, call, we'd hang out sometimes, and saw each other every week at church.  He was my rock.  I don't think he ever realised this.  We stayed close through the next 3 years, including an incredible trip to Tahiti with a church group.  I still can't watch anything with Sean Connery in it without missing him desperately.  We were each others' prom dates, and then when he graduated high school he left me.  We never had a romantic involvement with each other, though sometimes I wonder if we weren't crushing on each other at opposite times.  When Evan moved to Arizona to start college I was sure he'd come back when he was finished with school.  After all, his family was in Detroit, and so was I, and we were such good friends.  He still lives in Arizona.  His family moved away, and here I still am.  He's been back to visit of course, and I've made it down there a couple of times as well to see him.

I don't think I think about how much I miss him normally.  The fact that I'm tearing up a little just writing this speaks to that I guess.  I miss laughing with him, I miss our shared sense of humour, our shared love for laser tag, our shared understanding of the joys and challenges of babysitting Brandon & Cameron... or Brett & Kelsy... or Tim.  I just miss him.  He gives great hugs, thoughtful gifts and even though it's tough to get him to be serious sometimes, I miss his insights on life and people.

Someday when I have an income again, I hope to take another trip to Arizona to spend some time with him.  I hope he knows how much I love him, how much I miss him, and how much his friendship has meant to me over the years... even if I suck at telling him that most of the time.

Letter #26 - Liz

My cousin Liz and I are about 2 weeks apart in age.  Until I was in high school we never lived close to one another, and so even though we would see each other usually once or twice a year, and even though we would exchange cards, letters and gifts, I never felt like I really truly got to know her.  During high school we were pretty much inseparable even though we didn't attend the same school.  College pulled us apart as I stayed in state and Lizzie moved out of state, and then got married, taking her out of state more permanently.  While I was happy for her to start married life and be so happy, I was bummed that she was far away again.  We still write and call but not as much as I would like.  We stood up in each others' weddings, but only get to see each other once every couple of years now as money and schedules don't allow us to travel much to see each other.

This week I sat down and did something I haven't done in a very long time... I wrote out a letter to Liz that consisted of more than just a line or two in a card.  It brought back memories of contests we used to have of who could send the longest letter... inside jokes we would share in high school... games we used to play when we were young... conversations we've had since we've grown up and matured a bit beyond complaining about homework and brothers (I have one, she has four).  I miss her a whole lot and it felt good to write the letter and feel like I was catching her up a bit.  I hope this will prompt me to make a stronger and more frequent effort to stay in closer contact with her, because I really do miss having her as a constant in my life.  That needs to come back.  So does Lizzie :o(

Letter #25 - Mary

I have always had friends from different generations than my own.  As I progressed through school, our moves ended up putting me ahead of my age group in school meaning I was usually the baby of the class (age-wise).  The nature of my dad's career for most of my life constantly had me conversing with grown ups, and so age has just never really been a factor for me when it comes to feeling comfortable or who I gravitate toward in a friendship, etc.

Mary is one of my 'older' friends.  Older as in she is older than me, but not OLD :o)  Her 5 year old daughter is my goddaughter.  Mary lived with her husband in Rotterdam during part of our time there, and got to know my mum.  The two of them became very good friends, and I remember always loving when we'd get to spend time with them because they were fun, outgoing, didn't treat us like dumb kids, and were a cultural connection to 'home' for us (read: English speaking and knowledgeable about very important cultural icons like Kraft Dinner and Double Stuff Oreos)  When Mary & her husband moved back to the US, I had no idea that life would not only continue to sustain our friendship, but that specifically my friendship with them would continue to grow and develop in ways I had never imagined.

Mary is an amazing woman.  Her life rarely seems to go "as planned" and yet she is a champion at rolling with the punches.  I have had the great blessing of being a part of her family's life over the last several years, and was so incredibly touched when they asked me if I would be a godmother to their daughter.  That has brought us even closer together.  When my family moved to Michigan, Mary was living in Indiana, and then Ohio.  Both driving distance for a weekend trip, something I often took advantage of.  Last year, they moved to North Carolina.  I was bummed.  Now they're no longer a quick weekend trip away.  As I've kept in touch with Mary (we're both big social media users which is awesome for keeping tabs on each other!) I've really empathised with some of the struggles they've had in transitioning.  Nothing hugely major, they got a great house, found a great school for their daughter, her husband seems to really be happy with his job (the reason for the move), they're closer to family, etc.  But the small things keep coming up, and those are the ones I completely get.  The community center isn't as cool as the last place, the grocery stores stock different options for their preferred locovore habits, the restaurants are different, the neighbours are different, and let's face it, sometimes you just crave a specialty beverage from that cafe down the street... except it's now in a different state.  I get that.  I get not being able to pick up the phone and make plans with a girlfriend anymore because she lives 10 hours away instead of 10 minutes, I get wishing that the guy at the library had the same disposition as the intern at your library "back home"

My letter to Mary brought a lot of those feelings of homesickness back for me.  Homesickness for every place I've lived that isn't here.  While for some that may seem like a really sad and wallowy place, for me it's always a place of comfort as well.  I can wrap myself in the memories of the places and faces that aren't right by me anymore, and it always ends up sparking really great memories too.  I hope that their move proves to be an even better adventure than past ones, and I know that in time it will be as much home to them as the last one, but in the meantime, I continue to try and be that piece of 'home' to help through the rough spots.

Letter #18 - Brenda

This week I have been feeling very homesick for Europe.  I think this is in part because this project forces me to spend a lot of time thinking about the people in my life, which of course includes all of the people from that time in my life as well.  I also have been chatting with a friend of mine who is soon to become an expat as she moves her family to Brazil, and that has had me very focused on my family's experiences.  This brought me to Brenda for today's letter.

Brenda and her husband were expats living in Germany while my family was in the Netherlands.  They were also church members, which is how our lives became intertwined.  I was never excited to travel to Germany when we lived there.  Partly because of my own cultural biases (I was living in one of the most devastated cities of WWII... those wounds haven't quite healed in most people), and partly because there were never any kids our age, usually a heavy concentration of older people who didn't speak much or any English, and it was BORING for my brother and I to be on those trips.  Brenda and her husband gave us a reason to look forward to going there.  When mom and dad would announce a trip to Germany, our first question was "are Brenda & Meredith going to be there?"


Writing to Brenda allowed me to remember many happy times spent with them, at camps, in their home, shopping at the American Stores on base where they worked... Mum and I were lucky enough to spend some time with them last year at our church's world conference, and so I was also able to reflect on those conversations.  Brenda has a warm and inviting spirit.  She is very motherly, and quite elegant.  She is someone who will always make me feel at home, because we were lucky enough to share the incredible experience of living outside of our own culture and language, and learning to see the world in a whole new light.  Granted we went through these experiences as two very different people in two very different places in our lives, but we still share the core of that experience, which is something I share with fewer and fewer people in my life as I've become more "geographically stable" as I like to call it.

Letter #14 - Katie

Moving always comes with some less, no matter how exciting the move may be.  One thing I've really missed since I got married and moved out of my parents' house is just having other people around.  Being unemployed and a single vehicle family, I now spend most days alone at home until Austin gets home.  We have neighbours of course, but are not really on a "let's hang out" level with any of them.

Because of this, I decided to send a note to one of my old neighbours.  Katie lives across the street from my parents.  She has been the perfect neighbour to my family.  She's this fiercely independent woman with two daughters and an incredible ability to just handle anything - good or bad.  She's helped us with everything from lending us a cup of sugar, to pet sitting, to helping us when my mum was really sick.  We've been so blessed with her friendship, and I really do miss not running into her out in the yard or seeing her when she stops by to chat for a few minutes. I keep hoping maybe we'll be able to establish a similar relationship with our neighbours, but we're not quite there yet.