Letter #99 - Kerstin

I often marvel at how relationships work.  They come, they go, they strengthen and weaken... Kerstin is a friend who has ridden those waves in my life.  Our friendship has been stronger at times and weaker at others, yet we still stay connected, albeit indirectly at times.

Current events called Kerstin to mind when news of the shootings in Norway hit my twitter feed.  Kerstin and her family live in Oslo and I immediately prayed for their safety.  I'm happy to report they were unharmed, but it made me wonder about what causes us to drift so much as people, since I hadn't thought much of her in a year or more.  I realised I don't know anything about her family anymore, or even what she is doing for work, if anything.  I don't know what her husband does, I don't know how often they get to see her family in Germany, I don't know how old her kids are... and while I don't necessarily feel guilty for that (she doesn't know much about my life these days either), it urged me to write her and reconnect.

I have no idea if I will hear anything from her or not, I remember Kerstin was always much more of an in-person type, but we'll see.  If nothing else, I know I made an effort to reconnect with someone I consider a friend, no matter how far we may have drifted.

Letter #97 - Diane

Diane was my stand-in mom when I was doing my undergrad.  When I graduated, I really meant to keep in better touch with her, but between our lives and schedules, we've drifted some.  I still love her a lot, and look forward to opportunities to catch up with her, but it's not often we get to do that, and often times when we catch up I find we're both referencing people, places and things that the other has no context for.

I've struggled a little in my own mind with the changes in our relationship.  At first I took it a little personally, we had been so close while I was there, and when I moved home it wasn't long before I wasn't getting checked in on anymore.  I slowly began to understand that it wasn't anything personal, it was just that she had new students to focus on.

I'm sure Diane will be glad to hear from me, but I have no idea if I will get anything back.  I just hope it brightens her day.

Letter #79 - Karin

I'm weird about high school.  Most people grow more nostalgic for it as time goes by.  I grow less so.  High school wasn't necessarily bad for me, but it wasn't necessarily great for me either.  I remember even at the time thinking "this is what people remember as their best years? no thanks..."  At the time, I didn't really expect that 10 years down the road I would still be BFFs with all of these people.  That turned out to be mostly true.  Except for Karin.  Karin turned out to be one of those friends that you just keep finding your way back to, then wonder why you ever drifted off in the first place.  In the past year Karin and I have actually grown closer as were planning our weddings six months apart.  She nearly lived with me for a few days leading up to her own wedding, and I took a stinger in the tongue for her.  (I shot her engagement portraits... at a cider mill with ninja bees... who stung me on the tip of my tongue).

I intentionally held off on including Karin in this project until she'd had some time to recover from what I call wedding madness... so she could enjoy the card and not have to file it away so she wouldn't forget which gift it came with, or who to send the thank you note to :o)  Mostly I just wanted her to get some fun mail addressed to Mrs Gordon coz I'm 7 months into my marriage and seeing my new name on stuff still makes me grin!

Letter #65 - Todd

This letter was written as an attempt to heal something internal.  Todd is a good friend, and I worked with him for 5 years in an amazing work experience that forever changed me.  When I was laid off, I had extremely mixed feelings.  I tend to take things personally, and so it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that me no longer being employed wasn't personal.  I had friends and colleagues who felt my circumstances were unfair, but I understood the situation, and wouldn't believe that I had intentionally been taken advantage of in any way.  I stand by this.  I believe Todd is a good person, and that he does his very best with what he has.  He and I had an excellent relationship, and I miss having him in my life.

Last year, he was able to take a job in a different part of the state so he and his family moved several hours away.  This quickly felt like a nail in the coffin of our friendship to me as I began to feel as though I fell into the "out of sight out of mind" stereotype.  Todd is a people person, but in a very different way than I am.  I know him very well, and again, I struggled with not taking our lack of contact personally.  I decided recently that I needed to simply let go of the struggling pieces I've been hanging on to, and focus on restoring the friendship.  I don't think he feels it has suffered the way I do, but for me, it's important that I work to make it better so that I don't kill it with my own negativity.

The letter I sent him isn't much, it isn't an outpouring of the heart or a begging for attention.  It's simple and includes an object I know he's been looking for, that ended up in my things when we parted ways.  I hope it helps get us back in touch.  I know things will never be like they were, both of our lives are so different now, but I do miss having him around to bounce ideas off of, or to run questions by, or to send that really offbeat photo or joke I come across that most people wouldn't get... we need another pool party... with umbrella drinks.

Letter #63 - Don

My birth was a prophetic occasion.  Most people can't say that.  I can.

When my mum was pregnant with me, my folks had a visitor from the church staying with them.  Uncle Don, as he became known to me, was in their home and told my mum she was pregnant.  She was 100% convinced he was wrong.  He told her he just knew these things even thought she insisted he was wrong and that she wasn't pregnant.  He was right.  9 months later, there I was.  Ever since then, he introduces me to people as the girl whose birth he foretold.  It's pretty awesome.

Uncle Don drifts in and out of my life.  We'll be very close and see each other with some regularity for several years, and then I will completely lose touch with him until 4-5 years down the road when life crosses our paths once again.  And yet my love and admiration for him never lessen.  He is incredibly funny and special to me, he provides profound ministries and hearty laughs.  Definitely the kind of guy you want sitting at the dinner table, or in the back of your class.

Uncle Don wasn't able to attend our wedding last year, so I decided I needed to write him and at least send him a wedding photo, so he can continue to brag about his prophetic skills :o)  It was nice to spend some time focusing on him and our relationship, and even if I don't hear anything back from him (not sure he's much of a writer) I feel really good about having reached out again and sending him some love.  I hope next year I can make it to our church's world conference because that's always a place I know I'm going to run into him and get a big hug, and probably a free lunch :o)

Letter #26 - Liz

My cousin Liz and I are about 2 weeks apart in age.  Until I was in high school we never lived close to one another, and so even though we would see each other usually once or twice a year, and even though we would exchange cards, letters and gifts, I never felt like I really truly got to know her.  During high school we were pretty much inseparable even though we didn't attend the same school.  College pulled us apart as I stayed in state and Lizzie moved out of state, and then got married, taking her out of state more permanently.  While I was happy for her to start married life and be so happy, I was bummed that she was far away again.  We still write and call but not as much as I would like.  We stood up in each others' weddings, but only get to see each other once every couple of years now as money and schedules don't allow us to travel much to see each other.

This week I sat down and did something I haven't done in a very long time... I wrote out a letter to Liz that consisted of more than just a line or two in a card.  It brought back memories of contests we used to have of who could send the longest letter... inside jokes we would share in high school... games we used to play when we were young... conversations we've had since we've grown up and matured a bit beyond complaining about homework and brothers (I have one, she has four).  I miss her a whole lot and it felt good to write the letter and feel like I was catching her up a bit.  I hope this will prompt me to make a stronger and more frequent effort to stay in closer contact with her, because I really do miss having her as a constant in my life.  That needs to come back.  So does Lizzie :o(