Letter #91 - Amie

Everything in life is cyclical.  We're born, we live, we die, and the circle continues.  I have seen so many cycles in my life, not just the human life, but experiences, friendships, all kinds of cycles.  Last fall, one cycle closed for my husband, but it opened a whole new series of cycles for both of us.  He lost a friend of his to cancer, which was devastating to him, however as a result we were introduced to his friend's family and circle of friends, who folded us in with their love and support instantly.  The result has been a whole new batch of friendships for both of us to foster and grow, and I have been so incredibly thankful for that legacy that Andy has left us.

Letter #91 is going in tomorrow's mail to Andy's daughter Amie.  The first time I met Amie I saw exactly how I have always pictured myself when I will ultimately lose my dad.  She was a mess.  Still smiling and trying so hard to be strong and to pay tribute to his life, his wishes and all of the beautiful and wonderful things he stood for, but she was in so much pain that I just wanted to fold her into my arms and cry with her... and we had never met before.  As time has passed I have seen her several other times, and while she has gotten stronger it is clear that the loss of her father has completely rocked her to her very core.  Even the thought of losing my own dad puts me in touch with those emotions, and I can empathise very deeply.  At the same time, she pushes to move on, to be a strong and wonderful wife and mother, and to be a friend to those who choose to be in her life... including me.  While we don't spend a whole lot of time together one-on-one, I have felt a strong connection to her, and I very much hope that our friendship will continue to grow.


I decided to write Amie to send her some love and support, and to remind her that I was grateful she has entered my life, even if we aren't the closest of closest friends.  She and I have tried a few times to get together and it's never quite worked out due to schedules, etc, so I reminded her of my desire to get that together sometime and for us to spend some time hanging out and just relaxing.

Letter #73 - Aunt Pam

I've mentioned that I'm not always the best granddaugher.  I'm also not always the best niece.  My aunts on my mum's side of the family got my grandma's writing gene.  They send cards at least monthly (often times more frequently than that) they send little gifts with each holiday, they drop things off for me that they were getting rid of and thought I may want, or things they just happened to see out somewhere that they picked up... they really are great at keeping in touch and letting me know how much they love me and that they think of me often.  I am not good at returning the favour.  I almost always get a thank you note in the mail for gifts or unexpected hand me downs, but beyond that I'm not usually good at just popping a note in the mail to say hi.  Today I decided to work on that.  So Aunt Pam gets letter #73.

Aunt Pam is sister #2 of 5 in my mum's family.  She loves dogs and used to take my cousin and I shopping all the time.  She is an incredible bargain shopper and would get us the best deals on really great clothes, jewelry and makeup.  She would always be giving us these goody bags of freebies she would get places, and shared her fine jewelry collection with us.  Her husband passed away a few years ago and life changed dramatically.  As a result, I've been even worse at keeping in touch with her, something I feel badly about but haven't really known how to remedy very well.

I sent her a note today pretty much just to say hi.  I included some photos of our kitties as she often sends us treats for them, and a photo of my husband and I from our honeymoon, since she hasn't gotten to see any of those photos yet.  I really hope the letter catches her on a good day, and brings a smile to her face to know I've been thinking about her.  The anniversary of my Uncle's death is coming up soon, so I know that's weighing on her.  It has been extremely difficult on her coming to terms with losing him (understandably so!)

Letter #47 - Murphy

Murphy is a sweet older man who fits into my "grandpa obsession" category of friends.  I love Murphy.  A lot.  It's impossible not to love him.

When Murphy lost his wife, it was a terrible thing for all of us to go through as she was an incredible woman.  She suffered from Alzheimer's Disease, and we all did our best to support Murphy through all of that.  I had Murphy on my list of letter recipients for this week before I even realised that I was going to get to see him last weekend at the Journey House Valentine's Banquet.  I was so thrilled to see him there, and even more thrilled when he quietly took me aside and "confided" in me that he had a new "friend" and was "as happy as a high school boy"  It was ADORABLE.  He then told me that the banquet was supposed to be their "coming out affair" but that apparently everyone already knew.  It was the cutest thing in the world... like an insulin shot right to the heart.

As I wrote my letter to Murphy, I congratulated him on finding such a wonderful woman to make him happy (he's been so sad for so long it did my heart happy to see him smiling so big!).  Writing to him also reminded me of some of the friends in my life who are a part of my "Murphy Circle"... names that will surely be appearing on this blog in the near future :o)

Letter #30 - Aunt Pat

I have a very large adopted family.  Aunt Pat has been a part of that adopted family for as long as I can remember.  She has another half, Uncle Jim, who passed away last year.  It still feels weird to say her name without his.  When I was doing my undergrad, I spent a lot of my summers with them in their home in Toronto.  They were a huge part in helping me to understand what healthy relationships should look like.  Since Uncle Jim's death, I have quadrupled my efforts to keep in touch with Aunt Pat.  We are eagerly anticipating the results of her recent eye surgery in the hopes that she will be able to come and visit us soon and get a much needed break from her current every day life.

Writing to Aunt Pat always fills me with very intense emotions, and I usually need a few moments to sit and reflect after I've finished writing her a letter.  I hope my card brings a smile to her face and a hug to her heart.  I have a deep love and appreciation for Aunt Pat and just keep holding her in my heart through this time of transition for all of us.

Letter #2 - Bob

I'm writing this pre-letter as I reflect on my evening an listen to "Broke Down" by Slaid Cleaves.  I would have written the letter first, but it's much easier to do that nestled in bed than to haul my laptop in there (crap battery life), so I decided to post first.  I already know what the experience will be like, and "Broke Down" is actually a pretty accurate reflection of that.  I will be writing to my friend Bob.  Bob is a musician friend I was blessed to meet through my husband's network.  While Bob is older than me, he is not so much older that he should have 'expected' to lose his wife earlier this year... which he did in a devastatingly sudden way.  Austin & I attended the memorial service and never have I experienced anything quite like it.  The community was rocked by his wife's death and showed up in mass to mourn her loss along with him and their children.  I've always felt close to Bob, even though we may not be the kind of friends who hang out together, or chat on the phone... he's just one of those people I've developed a strong attachment to, and I have tried very hard to be a support to him during the past several months as he processes the various stages of trying to make sense of what has become his life.

When I write to Bob, I often experience a deep feeling of compassion and love, and I try to ooze big hugs into each word.  Writing him also puts me in a reflective frame of mind as I think about people in my life who I've lost, and people I love who are still with me.  It puts me in a state of sympathy for his loss and grief, and one of gratitude that I still have my love and best friend with me.

I hope my card will bring a smile to his face, or at least let him understand that while we may not be "presence close" friends, I still keep him very close in my heart and think of him often.