Letter Responses

I have received a few responses from people who have been recipients of letters from this project thus far, and most have been these incredibly sincere notes, sent with much love, much thought, and much gratitude.  This response I received this evening is no exception to this, except that it goes above and beyond in effort and dedication as a blog reader.  I was so impressed, touched, and blown away by the ending to this note... I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did :o)

i have a confession to make...

...I love your snail mail letter campaign. I am honored to be a part of it. My family has a strong connection with a couple of families from the town I grew up in that have spanned about 6 generations and we still have regular clan gatherings. The matriarch of the real driving family in the clan once told me that letters are a part of our soul. They are better than phone calls because you can touch and read them over and over again and they have permanence and phone calls don't. I have always honored that and do so more in the email world where writing has become passe. Her husband, who passed away in 1990 (she passed in 2004), is easily the most influential person in my life but she is a close second. I still make most decisions based upon what they would think of what I am doing. It is easy to say if you like my values, you have them to thank for them.

Why am I writing this? Don't laugh. Our youngest dog tends to eat mail. He ate your letter and i have been painstakingly rebuilding it from the pieces to where I can read it and I am almost there. I should finish it when I get home this weekend. And then I can actually read it!

Letter #71 - Xander

I've mentioned before I have a lot of "adopted" family.  Xander is also a member of this group.  He is my dutch big brother and I miss him a whole bunch.  I've been thinking about his family a lot lately (he has a son who has West Syndrome) so I sent him some love.  When my family lived in Rotterdam, Xander started out as our gardener/handyman and quickly evolved into part of the family.  He would come over and spend time with us, help us figure out cultural challenges, keep my brother and I entertained and (mostly) out of trouble, and more.  When my family got to return to Rotterdam to visit in 2006 it was great to be able to meet his wife Patricia, then when my husband and I (boyfriend at the time) went to visit in 2008, we got to meet his son.

Writing to Xander allowed me to remember all of the things I love about him and his family.  I have so many great memories of time with him... from goofing off and singing loudly as a kid to more grown up conversations and glasses of wine as an adult.  I adore him, his wife is awesome and their son is simply amazing.  I hope my letter brings him as many happy memories as it did for me in writing it!

Letter #70 - Joan

As a general rule, I am not very good with "old" people.  By this I mean anyone who has white or grey hair but has also lost any or all of their mental capacity.  I don't say this to be mean, I don't feel they are any less important, I'm just not always good at communicating with them, which is odd because I'm great with kids and there are often parallels in the communication style needed.  I guess it's partially just that - I'm always worried they'll think I'm talking down to them, or that I'm being disrespectful.  I have a hard time separating their age & life experiences from the mental state they may be in.  My brother, on the other hand, is amazing with this group.  He's like a god in nursing homes... it's incredible to watch.

My husband and I have a neighbour who is teetering into this category.  She's still pretty sharp mentally, but she I get the feeling she is excruciatingly lonely.  She also isn't afraid to ask for help... a lot.  While this is a good thing, it can also be frustrating for me because sometimes her requests cut into my plans and I don't feel any emotional obligation to her.  *That* may sound bad, but I'm being brave and going with honesty.  I'm not proud of these feelings, but they are there.  This week Joan called me late one evening while I was in the middle of working on a research paper.  I almost didn't answer, but decided at the last second that if she was calling this late it may be an emergency and I knew I would feel awful if I found out the next day she had needed to get to the hospital or something worse and I didn't pick up the phone.  She was fine, she just wanted to know if we could take her trash out.  That didn't bother me, it was the 30 minute conversation that ensued about why the complex changed the dumpsters again and didn't they think about the fact that people like her can't haul their trash up over their heads to dump it in, and her plan for talking to them about just that... in great detail.

Remember the part where I was in the middle of writing a paper?  I don't have it in me to be rude, so I stayed on the phone until she was ready to hang up, but I was a little annoyed.  As she hung up she told me that she would hang a bag with some cookies on her door for us because she had bought some (insert another long story with unnecessary details such as which area of the store these cookies are located in and roughly how much they cost and how often she is able to find them) and wanted to share.  I thanked her and hung up.  It just so happened that my husband and I were headed out a little later to do a quick late night grocery run (once I was actually at a good stopping point for the night with my paper) and we grabbed Joan's trash on the way out.  The bag with "a few cookies" turned out to be a huge collection of cookies, crackers and candies... enough to last us weeks.

I felt a pit in my stomach.  Here I (again) had been so focused on my own needs that I really kind of blew her off (even if it was internally)... I only half listened to her once I understood her request, and when I hung up the phone I made some sarcastic comment in my head.  What made me feel so bad was that I had been annoyed and frustrated, and she felt heard and special because someone kept her on the phone for a half hour talking about dumpsters and cookies.  So I decided to make things right for me, I would invest some time in her as well, and I wrote her a letter.  I could stick it under her door, but I'm mailing it, stamp and all, because I think it will emphasize that I am trying to acknowledge her.  The letter was short, I don't really know her well so I didn't have a whole lot to say, but I put in the time and effort to recognize her without being petty and frustrated.  I felt better about it, and I have a feeling she will be really excited to get some "real mail" from someone who took the time to care... Joan gave me a wake up call on myself, so I was glad for it, and I hope it will help me be a better and more patient person in the future!

Letter #69 - Jared

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a family girl.  I love my family deeply and rely heavily on them for support and fun.  My life is one of frequent uprooting due to my father's career for most of my life, which meant that for the first 21 years, my mom dad and brother were my only real constant in life.  As a result, we are much closer knit than I think a lot of families are, even when we drive each other bonkers.

I am the oldest child in my family, I have one sibling, my "baby" brother (1.5 years younger than me) Jared.  Jared is everything a brother is supposed to be, annoying, too chatty, a little bit of a tattle tale, not quite as quick on the uptake as me, fun to be around, way smarter than me in some areas, funny, charming, helpful and caring.  I've posted several blogs about my brother in the past (on other blogs) and about how much I adore him.  When I got married, one of the toughest transitions for both of us was it was the first time in our lives that "home" was no longer the same space for us.  When I was in college, I still came home, when I graduated, I moved home, Jared and I have lived together our entire lives, and suddenly "going home" meant a place where he wasn't.  We have grown to be such close friends and that was a real struggle.  Thankfully my new home is a manageable distance from him, and I actually live only a couple of miles from where he works, so we still find time to spend together, even if it isn't nearly as frequent as I would like.

Last weekend Jared did me a real solid (as he often does) and took the night out to spend with me and get me to a gig of my husbands that was several hours away.  He offered to go because he knew I was pretty much dead on my feet tired, and that this particular gig was really important to me to attend.  We ended up frantically assembling cds for 30 minutes when he arrived to pick me up (my husband is notorious for not remembering to even have cds ready let along with him at gigs), then almost 2 hours visiting on the drive there, time there (and gambling a little together - it was a casino gig), then the almost 2 hour ride home where he dropped me off.  It was such a great treat, not only because I get very lonely with my life (I'm often home alone during the day with limited transportation options) but also because it had been awhile since my brother and I had so much time to just hang out together, outside of some other something going on.

My letter to Jared allowed me to thank him for spending that time with me, and to remind him of how much I love him, and that even though I am thrilled to have moved into this new chapter of my life, I still miss having him around all the time, and wish we got to see each other more.

If you have a sibling you don't get to spend much time with, please use this entry as inspiration to make an intentional effort to get in touch with them, or to schedule some time with them!

Letter #68 - Randi

I know I often tout the awesomeness of my cousins both blood related and in-laws, but Randi just about tops the awesome cousin charts.  As Randi and I got to know each other while my husband and I were dating, I would often tell him that if we ever split up, I would have to be allowed to keep her.  Randi is the very definition of spunk.  (that's in my dictionary, I didn't webster it) She has an incredible passion for life and an awesomely deep love for her family.  When my husband and I got engaged, it became clear that Randi would be my go-to girl when I needed a safe space.  Being a married-in to the family as well, she and I share "status" in what can and can't be discussed or fought, what buttons get pushed, and how we can love our husbands so much and shake our heads at the same time at some of the shared family traits.  We both love the family we've chosen to join but it's nice to have someone who can share the love *and* the frustrations that inevitably come with being "the outsider" at times.  

As I wrote my letter to Randi I found myself missing her intensely.  We went through a spell recently where we were hanging out a lot, then this past month both our lives got busy and I've barely seen her.  My letter to Randi made me reflect on how blessed I am to have her in my life, and even more to have her in my family!!!

Letter #67 - Mohammad

This letter went out to one of my fellow Tribe members from school.  Mohammad is the only man in our tribe, which often leads him to have to be the sole defender or representative of his gender.  He has lived a fantastical life.  I have only had the privilege of hearing a few of his stories so far, but the experiences he has had in his life simply floor me.

I decided to write him a letter because I don't often get the chance in class to sit and chat with him - something I will try and address this month when I see him again.  I always feel like I've only just scratched the surface, and I'd like to know him better.  I hope I get that chance.  I don't know if he's much of a writer, so I don't know if I can expect a response from him or not, but I hope to hear something back, or perhaps at least he will take it as an invitation to share with me in class more often.

Letter #66 - Alan

This one may not hit the mailbox for a few days as I realised after the fact that I don't have a current mailing address for him, but Alan is getting a letter as soon as I can get one.  :o)

Alan was my pastor for a few years in college and I adore him.  He always had a hug and a smile for me, and was a key person in helping me deal with some rough times during my freshman year.  As life has evolved, I have often lost touch with Alan and am always ecstatic when he crops up somewhere I am so I can get a hug and a smile.

I hope my letter finds him well, I know he takes on the weight of the world sometimes, and he deserves so much to just be happy and free.