Letter Responses

I have received a few responses from people who have been recipients of letters from this project thus far, and most have been these incredibly sincere notes, sent with much love, much thought, and much gratitude.  This response I received this evening is no exception to this, except that it goes above and beyond in effort and dedication as a blog reader.  I was so impressed, touched, and blown away by the ending to this note... I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did :o)

i have a confession to make...

...I love your snail mail letter campaign. I am honored to be a part of it. My family has a strong connection with a couple of families from the town I grew up in that have spanned about 6 generations and we still have regular clan gatherings. The matriarch of the real driving family in the clan once told me that letters are a part of our soul. They are better than phone calls because you can touch and read them over and over again and they have permanence and phone calls don't. I have always honored that and do so more in the email world where writing has become passe. Her husband, who passed away in 1990 (she passed in 2004), is easily the most influential person in my life but she is a close second. I still make most decisions based upon what they would think of what I am doing. It is easy to say if you like my values, you have them to thank for them.

Why am I writing this? Don't laugh. Our youngest dog tends to eat mail. He ate your letter and i have been painstakingly rebuilding it from the pieces to where I can read it and I am almost there. I should finish it when I get home this weekend. And then I can actually read it!

Letter #71 - Xander

I've mentioned before I have a lot of "adopted" family.  Xander is also a member of this group.  He is my dutch big brother and I miss him a whole bunch.  I've been thinking about his family a lot lately (he has a son who has West Syndrome) so I sent him some love.  When my family lived in Rotterdam, Xander started out as our gardener/handyman and quickly evolved into part of the family.  He would come over and spend time with us, help us figure out cultural challenges, keep my brother and I entertained and (mostly) out of trouble, and more.  When my family got to return to Rotterdam to visit in 2006 it was great to be able to meet his wife Patricia, then when my husband and I (boyfriend at the time) went to visit in 2008, we got to meet his son.

Writing to Xander allowed me to remember all of the things I love about him and his family.  I have so many great memories of time with him... from goofing off and singing loudly as a kid to more grown up conversations and glasses of wine as an adult.  I adore him, his wife is awesome and their son is simply amazing.  I hope my letter brings him as many happy memories as it did for me in writing it!

Letter #70 - Joan

As a general rule, I am not very good with "old" people.  By this I mean anyone who has white or grey hair but has also lost any or all of their mental capacity.  I don't say this to be mean, I don't feel they are any less important, I'm just not always good at communicating with them, which is odd because I'm great with kids and there are often parallels in the communication style needed.  I guess it's partially just that - I'm always worried they'll think I'm talking down to them, or that I'm being disrespectful.  I have a hard time separating their age & life experiences from the mental state they may be in.  My brother, on the other hand, is amazing with this group.  He's like a god in nursing homes... it's incredible to watch.

My husband and I have a neighbour who is teetering into this category.  She's still pretty sharp mentally, but she I get the feeling she is excruciatingly lonely.  She also isn't afraid to ask for help... a lot.  While this is a good thing, it can also be frustrating for me because sometimes her requests cut into my plans and I don't feel any emotional obligation to her.  *That* may sound bad, but I'm being brave and going with honesty.  I'm not proud of these feelings, but they are there.  This week Joan called me late one evening while I was in the middle of working on a research paper.  I almost didn't answer, but decided at the last second that if she was calling this late it may be an emergency and I knew I would feel awful if I found out the next day she had needed to get to the hospital or something worse and I didn't pick up the phone.  She was fine, she just wanted to know if we could take her trash out.  That didn't bother me, it was the 30 minute conversation that ensued about why the complex changed the dumpsters again and didn't they think about the fact that people like her can't haul their trash up over their heads to dump it in, and her plan for talking to them about just that... in great detail.

Remember the part where I was in the middle of writing a paper?  I don't have it in me to be rude, so I stayed on the phone until she was ready to hang up, but I was a little annoyed.  As she hung up she told me that she would hang a bag with some cookies on her door for us because she had bought some (insert another long story with unnecessary details such as which area of the store these cookies are located in and roughly how much they cost and how often she is able to find them) and wanted to share.  I thanked her and hung up.  It just so happened that my husband and I were headed out a little later to do a quick late night grocery run (once I was actually at a good stopping point for the night with my paper) and we grabbed Joan's trash on the way out.  The bag with "a few cookies" turned out to be a huge collection of cookies, crackers and candies... enough to last us weeks.

I felt a pit in my stomach.  Here I (again) had been so focused on my own needs that I really kind of blew her off (even if it was internally)... I only half listened to her once I understood her request, and when I hung up the phone I made some sarcastic comment in my head.  What made me feel so bad was that I had been annoyed and frustrated, and she felt heard and special because someone kept her on the phone for a half hour talking about dumpsters and cookies.  So I decided to make things right for me, I would invest some time in her as well, and I wrote her a letter.  I could stick it under her door, but I'm mailing it, stamp and all, because I think it will emphasize that I am trying to acknowledge her.  The letter was short, I don't really know her well so I didn't have a whole lot to say, but I put in the time and effort to recognize her without being petty and frustrated.  I felt better about it, and I have a feeling she will be really excited to get some "real mail" from someone who took the time to care... Joan gave me a wake up call on myself, so I was glad for it, and I hope it will help me be a better and more patient person in the future!

Letter #69 - Jared

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a family girl.  I love my family deeply and rely heavily on them for support and fun.  My life is one of frequent uprooting due to my father's career for most of my life, which meant that for the first 21 years, my mom dad and brother were my only real constant in life.  As a result, we are much closer knit than I think a lot of families are, even when we drive each other bonkers.

I am the oldest child in my family, I have one sibling, my "baby" brother (1.5 years younger than me) Jared.  Jared is everything a brother is supposed to be, annoying, too chatty, a little bit of a tattle tale, not quite as quick on the uptake as me, fun to be around, way smarter than me in some areas, funny, charming, helpful and caring.  I've posted several blogs about my brother in the past (on other blogs) and about how much I adore him.  When I got married, one of the toughest transitions for both of us was it was the first time in our lives that "home" was no longer the same space for us.  When I was in college, I still came home, when I graduated, I moved home, Jared and I have lived together our entire lives, and suddenly "going home" meant a place where he wasn't.  We have grown to be such close friends and that was a real struggle.  Thankfully my new home is a manageable distance from him, and I actually live only a couple of miles from where he works, so we still find time to spend together, even if it isn't nearly as frequent as I would like.

Last weekend Jared did me a real solid (as he often does) and took the night out to spend with me and get me to a gig of my husbands that was several hours away.  He offered to go because he knew I was pretty much dead on my feet tired, and that this particular gig was really important to me to attend.  We ended up frantically assembling cds for 30 minutes when he arrived to pick me up (my husband is notorious for not remembering to even have cds ready let along with him at gigs), then almost 2 hours visiting on the drive there, time there (and gambling a little together - it was a casino gig), then the almost 2 hour ride home where he dropped me off.  It was such a great treat, not only because I get very lonely with my life (I'm often home alone during the day with limited transportation options) but also because it had been awhile since my brother and I had so much time to just hang out together, outside of some other something going on.

My letter to Jared allowed me to thank him for spending that time with me, and to remind him of how much I love him, and that even though I am thrilled to have moved into this new chapter of my life, I still miss having him around all the time, and wish we got to see each other more.

If you have a sibling you don't get to spend much time with, please use this entry as inspiration to make an intentional effort to get in touch with them, or to schedule some time with them!

Letter #68 - Randi

I know I often tout the awesomeness of my cousins both blood related and in-laws, but Randi just about tops the awesome cousin charts.  As Randi and I got to know each other while my husband and I were dating, I would often tell him that if we ever split up, I would have to be allowed to keep her.  Randi is the very definition of spunk.  (that's in my dictionary, I didn't webster it) She has an incredible passion for life and an awesomely deep love for her family.  When my husband and I got engaged, it became clear that Randi would be my go-to girl when I needed a safe space.  Being a married-in to the family as well, she and I share "status" in what can and can't be discussed or fought, what buttons get pushed, and how we can love our husbands so much and shake our heads at the same time at some of the shared family traits.  We both love the family we've chosen to join but it's nice to have someone who can share the love *and* the frustrations that inevitably come with being "the outsider" at times.  

As I wrote my letter to Randi I found myself missing her intensely.  We went through a spell recently where we were hanging out a lot, then this past month both our lives got busy and I've barely seen her.  My letter to Randi made me reflect on how blessed I am to have her in my life, and even more to have her in my family!!!

Letter #67 - Mohammad

This letter went out to one of my fellow Tribe members from school.  Mohammad is the only man in our tribe, which often leads him to have to be the sole defender or representative of his gender.  He has lived a fantastical life.  I have only had the privilege of hearing a few of his stories so far, but the experiences he has had in his life simply floor me.

I decided to write him a letter because I don't often get the chance in class to sit and chat with him - something I will try and address this month when I see him again.  I always feel like I've only just scratched the surface, and I'd like to know him better.  I hope I get that chance.  I don't know if he's much of a writer, so I don't know if I can expect a response from him or not, but I hope to hear something back, or perhaps at least he will take it as an invitation to share with me in class more often.

Letter #66 - Alan

This one may not hit the mailbox for a few days as I realised after the fact that I don't have a current mailing address for him, but Alan is getting a letter as soon as I can get one.  :o)

Alan was my pastor for a few years in college and I adore him.  He always had a hug and a smile for me, and was a key person in helping me deal with some rough times during my freshman year.  As life has evolved, I have often lost touch with Alan and am always ecstatic when he crops up somewhere I am so I can get a hug and a smile.

I hope my letter finds him well, I know he takes on the weight of the world sometimes, and he deserves so much to just be happy and free.

Letter #65 - Todd

This letter was written as an attempt to heal something internal.  Todd is a good friend, and I worked with him for 5 years in an amazing work experience that forever changed me.  When I was laid off, I had extremely mixed feelings.  I tend to take things personally, and so it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that me no longer being employed wasn't personal.  I had friends and colleagues who felt my circumstances were unfair, but I understood the situation, and wouldn't believe that I had intentionally been taken advantage of in any way.  I stand by this.  I believe Todd is a good person, and that he does his very best with what he has.  He and I had an excellent relationship, and I miss having him in my life.

Last year, he was able to take a job in a different part of the state so he and his family moved several hours away.  This quickly felt like a nail in the coffin of our friendship to me as I began to feel as though I fell into the "out of sight out of mind" stereotype.  Todd is a people person, but in a very different way than I am.  I know him very well, and again, I struggled with not taking our lack of contact personally.  I decided recently that I needed to simply let go of the struggling pieces I've been hanging on to, and focus on restoring the friendship.  I don't think he feels it has suffered the way I do, but for me, it's important that I work to make it better so that I don't kill it with my own negativity.

The letter I sent him isn't much, it isn't an outpouring of the heart or a begging for attention.  It's simple and includes an object I know he's been looking for, that ended up in my things when we parted ways.  I hope it helps get us back in touch.  I know things will never be like they were, both of our lives are so different now, but I do miss having him around to bounce ideas off of, or to run questions by, or to send that really offbeat photo or joke I come across that most people wouldn't get... we need another pool party... with umbrella drinks.

Letter #64 - Ben

I seem to have a talent for understanding the misunderstood.  Ben and I became friends mostly because of this talent of mine.  Ben is often misunderstood.  He is hilarious, has a wicked dry sense of humour, and is super smart.  He's also a deeply caring person with an incredibly strong faith.  He's very set in his ways, and comfortable with that, and sometimes he struggles to express his passion in ways that don't come of as mean or pushy.  In spite of this, I get him.  Ben and I were housemates for several years and I absolutely loved living with him.  He was the kind of friend I could find myself trapped in conversation with for hours in the hall or on the stairs until we both realised we were supposed to be doing other things and would reluctantly head our separate ways.  I always knew when he was kidding, when he was serious, and when he was sleep deprived (usually because he would start making seemingly mean jokes about my virtue lol).  Ben and I developed a special friendship that I think will always make him one of those people in my life who no matter how long it's been since we've spoken or seen each other, time will stand still and we will pick up right where we left off.

I was bummed this year because I had to turn down an opportunity to spend a week with Ben chaperoning a mission trip for this year's spring break kids.  This event began when we lived together, and it was so awesome to be asked to come back and be a part of it again, it's just that life made it bad timing for me, so I had to say no.  I really hope I get another chance because I truly regretted having to say no.  The idea of getting to spend a week hanging out with Ben was awesome and I wish I had been able to jump on board.  Turning down the trip however did make me realise how much I've neglected my friendship with him these past few years, and made me want to change that for the future.  So I wrote him a letter and sent him some love.  I hope it proves to be a good first step toward restoring our contact and that it leads to more time together and fewer gaps inbetween.

So raise your glass with me... to Ben's glass eye!  :o)

Letter #63 - Don

My birth was a prophetic occasion.  Most people can't say that.  I can.

When my mum was pregnant with me, my folks had a visitor from the church staying with them.  Uncle Don, as he became known to me, was in their home and told my mum she was pregnant.  She was 100% convinced he was wrong.  He told her he just knew these things even thought she insisted he was wrong and that she wasn't pregnant.  He was right.  9 months later, there I was.  Ever since then, he introduces me to people as the girl whose birth he foretold.  It's pretty awesome.

Uncle Don drifts in and out of my life.  We'll be very close and see each other with some regularity for several years, and then I will completely lose touch with him until 4-5 years down the road when life crosses our paths once again.  And yet my love and admiration for him never lessen.  He is incredibly funny and special to me, he provides profound ministries and hearty laughs.  Definitely the kind of guy you want sitting at the dinner table, or in the back of your class.

Uncle Don wasn't able to attend our wedding last year, so I decided I needed to write him and at least send him a wedding photo, so he can continue to brag about his prophetic skills :o)  It was nice to spend some time focusing on him and our relationship, and even if I don't hear anything back from him (not sure he's much of a writer) I feel really good about having reached out again and sending him some love.  I hope next year I can make it to our church's world conference because that's always a place I know I'm going to run into him and get a big hug, and probably a free lunch :o)

Letter #62 - Cherry

I have a very large adopted family.  My whole life my parents introduced people into our lives that we came to know as Aunt & Uncle, even though we have no blood relations to them.  Aunt Cherry is one such adopted family member.  I literally cannot remember a part of my life that she wasn't in.  My dad knew her and her husband before he met my mum, so they've been a part of my life since the day I was born.  They've always lived in another state than us, and have always been a branch of the family that we were lucky to see once every few years.  Until I met my husband.  Since he's a country musician, part of his life entails yearly (if not more frequent) trips to Nashville.  Soon after we began dating, I put two and two together and realised Steve & Cherry lived just outside the city limits.  I put in a phone call and several weeks later I was on my first road trip ever with a boyfriend, on my first trip to Nashville, and so excited to be only hours away from spending almost a week with Steve & Cherry.

Since that first trip we have stayed in their home usually at least one week a year, and they have been up to visit us several times in Michigan.  In fact, they have become such an important part of both of our lives that they performed our wedding last year.  I always look forward to our visits there, because I know at some point or another I can count on a long and involved kitchen conversation with Aunt Cherry while the guys are off talking music or business or philosophy or something.  I LOVE spending time in the kitchen, and while cooking isn't Aunt Cherry's all time favourite thing to do, I think she likes it when I'm there coz I love it.  Her oldest son is also a chef, and sometimes I think having me there in the kitchen and chatting makes her feel closer to him in some ways.  I'm ok with that because I love getting to talk with her about life, love and human behaviour.  She is a retired teacher, so we also share a passion for kids and education.  I was excited to write her because I've been meaning to get around to sending her a photo of the four of us together at our wedding, and now I finally did.

We're hoping on making another trip to Nashville in the spring (well, my husband for sure is, but my school and job situations will dictate whether or not I can join him) and I'm sure hoping I can be a part of it because it will mean at least a day or two with Aunt Cherry (as long as they're in town).  Something I always look forward to!

Letter #61 - Tammy

I have mentioned before how great my cousins are.  Tammy is no exception.  As I've grown older, the age gap between me and my cousins on my dad's side of the family has become less important, and we've all grown to be good friends.  If I had to pick one word to describe Tam it would be spunky.  She's hilarious, kind hearted and knows her way around the kitchen (are you noticing a trend on the van Rossum side yet? lol) she and my brother are actually probably closer than she and I, but I love her all the same and according to her status updates on facebook recently, she needed a little extra love.  So I sent her a card with a big hug and a smile and well wishes for a better week ahead.  Knowing the Canadian Postal Service, she may not get my card until next year, but hey, one can hope :o)

Writing to Tammy made me think about family gatherings to come, that side of the family has really tried hard the last several years to get together on a regular basis again.  When I was a kid we always did Christmas, then as we grew older it fell by the wayside.  Now a lot of my cousins have their own kids and it's become a priority for us all again, which has been really nice.  This year we're actually in the process of trying to get an Easter gathering together as well.  I'm not sure yet if it's going to work out for my husband and I to go, but we're hoping we can.  I love my family, as insane as they are, and look forward to spending time with my cousins because I don't get to very often.

Letter #60 - Herman

I am so blessed by my family.  I had a wonderful upbringing and so many opportunities that most kids don't get.  I lived the life of an expat and as a result I also got to meet a lot of family and friends I would have otherwise never had the chance to meet.  While I *had* met Oome Herman prior to my family moving to Rotterdam, I wouldn't have gotten to know him nearly as well as we did having lived so much closer.  Hetty & Herman are my dad's aunt and uncle, making them my great-aunt and great-uncle.  And they are truly great.  They took us under their wing from the second we stepped off that plane in Amsterdam, and my life wouldn't be the same without them in it.  Last month I received news that Oome Herman is once again battling cancer.  I was devastated.  In 2008 I had the chance to bring my (then boyfriend) to Europe with me for a two week stay.  During that time we spent a few days in Eindhoven with my dutch family.  Oome Herman was ill then as well, and I really really struggled with seeing him that way.  He wasn't up to leaving the house, which meant we spent way more time with my aunts and cousins, and only saw him a little bit.  It was troubling to me, but at the same time I was so incredibly grateful to be able to sit with him and watch tv and snuggle.  When we left, he promised that the following year he would be coming to visit for our wedding.  I laughed and told him it might be more than a year and he assured me I was wrong.  I wasn't, but it wasn't as far off as I had expected.  Just 2 years later we were getting married, and Herman was too sick to come.  Again I was devastated.  I of course understood but was so sad that he was no longer able to travel, since I don't know when I'll have another chance to see him.

This week I sent him a letter in a card that I hope will make him laugh.  I sent him some photos and a whole lot of love.  He's having surgery this month and I just pray it helps, he's in a lot of pain which bothers me tremendously.  I pray my next trip to the Netherlands won't be for his funeral but for another visit with him.  He makes me laugh so much, I have never laughed until I cried more often than in his presence.  He has so much love in his heart and I miss him so very much.  Those reading this entry, I would appreciate prayers or good thoughts or positive energy... whatever your form of well wishing to him and his wife... that they may get some relief from these struggles.

Letter #59 - Erica

Sometimes I feel like a bad friend.  I get so wrapped up in my own stuff, or in the lives of a couple of specific individuals, and I neglect other friendships.  I don't mean to, and I often still think about those people, but I get bad at calling, or inviting to coffee or dinner or lunch... and sometimes it happens more because we try several times to make something happen and schedules get in the way, so I eventually kind of stop trying until "things settle".  Erica is one of those people I feel as though I've been neglecting lately.  I was feeling bad about it, so I sent her a letter this week.  I'll admit, it's not the most insightful and incredible letter ever written... it's mostly an invitation to set up a work day like we used to (we both worked from home and fell victim to the trappings thereof at times, so we would support each other by meeting in a central, less distracting location, and work on our own projects while keeping each other company.  It was nice.)

It was also an invitation to have her and her husband over sometime to hang out, since we haven't successfully done so since we got married.  Part of the excitement for us of getting married and getting our own place was finally having somewhere to have OUR friends over.  We both lived at home with our folks, which was great, but if you wanted to just have a couple's night and invited friends to dinner or something, it got kind of weird "hey wanna come hang out at my parents house with me and my fiance? they'll stay upstairs..."  We're rounding the bend on 6 months of marriage and haven't had nearly as many of our friends over yet as we would like.  No solid reason, it just hasn't happened yet.  I'm hoping that some of these invitations I'm extending with this project will start to change some of that, because we really love to entertain :o)

Letter #58 - Alyssa

Some people just worm their way into your heart and stay there.  Alyssa is one of those people.  I almost never get to see her anymore, she and her husband share a phone to cut costs and she's awful with email, so it seems the only times I get to see her is if she happens to be at my folks' house at the same time as me.  We met Alyssa when my mum first got sick.  Things were so hard for us that no one even had the energy to clean, so we found some extra pennies somewhere and cashed them in with a house cleaning service.  Alyssa was one of the girls who showed up ready to work, and she rocked it out.  We began requesting her not only because of her skill, but because she was so caring and attentive.  She would run things by my mum, or suggest places that looked like they needed some extra care.  No added expense, just added professionalism.  She quickly grew to be a part of the family.  Then she got engaged.  We were all so excited for her, had her fiance over for dinner with her so we could meet him, and then they hired me to be their wedding photographer.  It was awesome, and the first wedding I'd ever been paid for.

Alyssa is an animal fanatic.  She used to always spend her breaks playing with our critters, and mourned our losses with us when Herman and Fowler went missing.  I decided to take our friendship into my own hands and sent her a letter, inviting her to get in touch with me so we could have her and her husband over for dinner sometime.  I also sweetened the pot by including some photos of the kitties :o)

I really hope she gets in touch with me, because I miss her a bunch.  As mum's health improved, we needed to cut costs and the cleaning became more of a luxury again, so now my folks only call Alyssa in on rare occasions.  Plus I don't live at home with them anymore, so when she *is* there, I'm not.  I would love to have her and Michael over for an evening to hang out, eat drink and maybe play some wii or something, I think they'd be totally game for that :o)

Letter #57 - Wolfgang

I think I've mentioned before that one of the biggest downsides for me to being unemployed is that I miss people.  Over my five years working with the same group of people, I made some good friends and I miss getting to see them.  Wolfgang is one of those friends.  Wolfgang was in Mexico when I was still working, and I loved getting to go down there (usually once a year) to see all my Mexican peeps, and especially looked forward to seeing Wolfgang.  Last year, Wolfgang moved to South Africa, further reducing my chances of seeing him again anytime soon.

I decided to send Wolfgang a note to tell him how much I miss him, and to send him a wedding photo.  South Africa is one of the places on my top 5 places I want to visit in the world, so who knows, maybe someday I can visit there, and then I can see my buddy Wolfgang :o)

Letter #56 - Teresa

I have been blessed with AWESOME cousins.  What's more is I have AWESOME cousin-in-laws.  As I've grown older I've been able to get to know some of my other cousins better.  On my dad's side of the family my cousins are mostly quite a bit older than me, so growing up we weren't all that close, they were babysitters not buddies.  My one cousin married a beautiful and gentle soul a few years ago, Teresa.  They now have two awesome children and are simply an adorable family.  Teresa isn't much for the email and such, so I decided to send her a letter.  Writing to Teresa gave me a chance to just send her some love.  She is so cheery and sweet, but I always get the feeling she puts a LOT of pressure on herself... she's one of those people who feels like she has to be the perfect everything.  Perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter.  She's awesome and I love her dearly, but I sent her a letter of love and encouragement, hoping she'll be able to let up on herself just a little.

I don't get to see Teresa as often as I'd like.  She and her family live in Canada, and I don't get up there much anymore for visits.  My husband and I have talked about going to visit them sometime this year, I really hope we make it happen because I really do love my cousins and wish I could spend more time with them.

Letter #55 - Andy

So remember a few posts ago when I thought my numbering was all screwed up?  It was.  I got a note on facebook this week from my dear friend Andy thanking me for the card I sent him.  So I'm not crazy :o)

Andy is from the same era of my life as Haitham, and he had a birthday last month.  Andy and I just reconnected within the last year thanks to (you guessed it) Facebook.  Andy and I are self proclaimed siblings.  When my family moved from Rotterdam he came to the airport to see me off and gave me a beautiful silver bracelet as a reminder of our friendship.  Within a year of our move that bracelet disappeared and I was devastated.  As a result, I worked twice as hard to keep him in my heart because I am usually big on physical mementos (not as an exclusive reminder but as an enhanced reminder).  Andy and I had only just gotten to know each other a month or two prior to my family moving.  I already knew that we would only have a little time together, and I think he actually adopted me as his sister so he could redirect his crush on me since he knew I was leaving... he's never said as much but I have my suspicions ;o)

I lost touch with Andy for years and years, and he was one of those people I would often initiate searches for.  When I finally received a message from him, I was elated to reconnect.  I always think of him on his birthday, and was so excited this year to finally be in a position again to send him a card (since previous years had left me with no mailing address for him)  Writing out his card gave me an opportunity to send him so much of my love and the gratitude I have for his love and friendship.  He's loyal to a fault and even though years had gone by without us speaking, we were able to pick up as if we had never been forced to let off.  I adore him and desperately hope we can be reunited in person some day!

Letter #54 - Haitham

For someone who didn't get married until the age of 27 (not that I'm so ridiculously old!) I have had an awful lot of marriage proposals in my life.  Not a single one came with a ring (including the one I accepted, come to think of it...!) and most weren't actually serious (many were from boys under the age of 7).  My friend Haitham is responsible for many of those proposals.  For most of them, he wasn't single at the time, so I chalked it up to him trying to make me feel good about myself.  Others I chalked up to him being a hopeless flirt... one of the many things I love about him!  Proposals aside, we developed a wonderful and love filled friendship.  Over the years, Haitham has been much better at keeping in touch with me than I have with him.  When my family returned to the Netherlands in 2006 to visit, he made time to take me out for an evening and catch up (and propose again...).  We are now both happily married (not to each other) and he and his wife are expecting their first child.

I wanted to reconnect with him to share in his excitement and to remind him of how much he means to me, even if I'm not always good at returning his messages.  As I wrote his letter, I was struck by the face that I have no concrete understanding of how he and I became friends in the first place.  We met in high school, he's about 5 years older than me (which in high school is a HUGE age gap), we had no common classes, no real common friends, and yet we hung out at lunch and breaks nearly every day.  We laughed A LOT together, and pondered human behaviour and human relationships.

I dearly wish I had the means to visit him once his baby is born, to meet his wife and child, to watch him glow as a father, to give him a hug and a kiss and to laugh with him again.  Maybe someday that will happen... who knows, by then I may have a family of my own to introduce to his!